


Could Play Cards But We Done That Already

by executrix



Category: Firefly
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-13 00:43:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10502886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/executrix/pseuds/executrix
Summary: Damn, stakeouts are boring. You gotta make your own fun, otherwise it's just entertainment.





	

"You don't gotta get all squirrelly," Jayne said. "No one's gonna make a move on this stuff here. They know me 'round this moon, so that's why I'm here. And you're here to prove that you're crew so you take your turn like everyone else."

"I'm not squir—anxious," Simon said. "I'm bored. When I was on call, believe me every moment was a rich tapestry of incident. That, or I was out cold. Remarkably little of my professional life was spent doing nothing in …a big room full of boxes."

"And the ape that dropped 'em."

"All right, perhaps that remark was uncalled for."

"Anyway, it's Mal's sense of humor. Reckon he thinks that if you take to chasin' me instead, you'll stop chasin' him and he can go back to chasin' Inara and not worry 'bout why he's never catchin' her."

After a few minutes' silence, Jayne said "I packed my grandmother's trunk, and in it I put a…anti-aircraft missile launcher."

"I packed my grandmother's trunk, and in it I put an anti-aircraft missile launcher and a Babcock clamp."

Jayne brightened. "That sounds dirty."

"Well, it isn't. It's a surgical instrument. You're bound to lose this, you know. I have an eidetic memory…photographic."

"Yeah? How many of those crates are there?"

"Fifty-seven," Simon said. "Three stacks of nineteen. Also, I read it off the manifest."

"Bound to lose, eh? I'll show you bound to lose. Can you do push-ups?"

"Dang ran," Simon said. They dropped to the floor, facing one another, glaring. Simon let Jayne count the cadence. 

"All right, you win," Simon said forty later. Jayne did a couple more, one-armed as a victory lap, then stopped—no point being a damn fool once you get what you want.

"You look cute all ruffled and sweated up like that."

"I do not look cute," Simon said, raking his fingers back through his hair. 

"How long we been here?"

"Six hours, nineteen minutes, fourteen," Simon said. 

"Reason I ask, that Good Night Kiss crap, it's volatile," Jayne said. "Don't last more'n an hour or so. So I reckon if we get sexed up, I got no worries about kissin' you on the mouth."

"And once again I sense the slipping away of our hard-won rapprochement. What, you think that I not only carry around—aphrodisiac sedatives—but apply them routinely just on the off-chance that someone is going to kiss me? Someone who, by the way, is providing most of the useful security for these crates and would not have my back if he were slumped on the floor in a stupor?"

"Speakin' of boredom?" Jayne said, "Tedium Wild, Snooze or Better to Open? I think I fell asleep halfway through that. Was that a Yes or a No?"

"It's a check-raise," Simon said, reflecting that all that seeing someone with girls proved was someone's willingness to be associated with visible girls. "I mean, supposing that a team of hijackers appeared through that door we wouldn't want to be caught with our pants down when we're supposed to be working."

"In case you never figured it out in your fancy life, there's a lot of possibilities even for a man still got his clothes on. You've been…" 

"Civilized?" Simon asked. 

Jayne snapped his fingers. "Sheltered! That's the word I was lookin' for!" He walked back toward a corner. "Tell ya what, I'll even be the one with his back to the wall so you can be all comfy." 

_This is a very bad idea_ Simon thought, moving forward, mesmerized. _This is a very bad ideahhhhhhh_ as he sunk into an Everywhere of wet heat. Jayne's _actually very carefully trimmed_ moustache and beard were silk and ermine in one direction, wire wool in the other. You didn't get a lot of that at home…facial hair….no, all very depilated. Very sanitized. 

Simon felt like a small person being soothed by touch in a situation where words wouldn't help. This thought was so unacceptable that he pushed it away by grabbing Jayne's ass and grinding against him. When he was home he thought of himself as the size he was, dammit. Not small. 

He stretched, and Jayne bent his head and bent his knees a little, and in yet another Triumph of the Human Spirit, everything fit together. 

Simon pushed his hand underneath Jayne's t-shirt. _Oh, he's got hair on his chest!_ He reminded himself that he'd seen it before, but that was when he was looking at a patient; this was the first time he was looking at—or, to be more accurate, feeling up—Jayne as a **man**. 

He drew his hand down until it crashed into Jayne's belt, then turned his hand to dive behind the belt. His palm was burning already, even before he closed his hand around hard heat. He pumped a few strokes, and stroked the ridge with his thumb, thinking, _Yeah, I'd have the head of his cock in my mouth right now if I could reach, flicking my tongue like drizzling on the caramel sauce on the dessert plates in one of those restaurants I'm never going to be in again…_ Then he decided he was idiot to worry about caramel sauce when…

He slowed down even further, pacing his hand to his tongue in Jayne's mouth, and Jayne shoved his hips forward demandingly and Simon made him wait until he felt safe enough (leaning up against Jayne's thigh, with one large hand forming a hammock per buttock) to remove the hand he had propped against the wall and shove it between Jayne's legs. He spread his hand until it was kneading Jayne's balls through the thick denim while he continued to stroke and squeeze, skin to skin, his hand trapped by cloth and leather.

 _Oh, I want to hear this_ Simon thought, and broke away his mouth and dug his head into Jayne's shoulder. Jayne groaned until he said, "Gotta shoot now…" and Simon informed the t-shirt "Come for me…"

Jayne blinked his eyes back into focus and relaxed the hands clenching Simon's ass. _Guess I don't got to do any actual anything_ Jayne thought, feeling Simon shiver against his body, his teeth clasped onto a fold of Jayne's t-shirt. _Cheap date. Volatile._

Then they both decided to sit down before they toppled as if they'd been been keeled over by a lumberjack. 

"Well," Jayne said a few relaxed moments later, "When we saved our supper till last so's we'd have somethin' to look forward to, I guess we weren't expectin' this."

Simon finished with the hand sanitizing gel and handkerchief he'd drawn from his pocket, and extended them to Jayne.

"Yeah, right, Doc," Jayne said, cutting slices of cheese to fit hunks of bread. They also had a small sour knobbly windfall apple apiece. Jayne rolled his eyes as Simon opened his bottle of beer with one of the innumerable attachments to his pocketknife. 

Simon settled his back against one of the walls stretched out his legs. "Here," he said softly. "Put your head in my lap."

"Thought you were done."

"No, I mean, the other way 'round, like a pillow." He kissed his fingertips and pressed them to Jayne's forehead. "Now I can be your cushion."

"How long we supposed to be here?"

"Another fifteen minutes," Simon said. "I suppose we should get…respectable….in case they're early."

"I packed my grandmother's trunk, and in it I put a anti-aircraft missile launcher, a Babcock clamp, and a…chrysanthemum," Jayne said.

"I packed my grandmother's trunk, and in it I put an anti-aircraft missile launcher, a Babcock clamp, a chrysanthemum, and a dishwasher."

"Hey, it's me," Kaylee said softly outside the door.

Jayne unbarred the door for Kaylee and the Shepherd to take their shift. "Necessary house's out to the left, behind the tree," Jayne said. "We could stay a couple extra minutes, in case you want to go there first."

"Wash packed some apples in the picnic lunches," Simon said brightly, looking directly at Book.

"Awww!" Jayne said. "You spoiled the surprise!"

 **Later:**  
"Hey, Jayne," Zoe said. "Soon's Simon got back home he did that thing—you know, like he's readin' the back of his eyeballs? 'Cause this was supposed to be my night for the shower, he took my floor-mopping shift so's I'd swap with him. Then raced off like he had the devil after him. Made him pay tomorrow's dishes for some soap powder—you think maybe there was some dirty laundry he took in there with him? Still got some soap powder left I could let you have for some of them caramels plus vacuuming the air filters tomorrow. Lovebird Special."

"Naah, I'm good," Jayne said. "Might go see if there's any of your hot water he ain't usin' though."


End file.
